The fourth of July is here, and it’s the United States of America’s 250th birthday. While it may only be legal in Ohio to set off fireworks on specific holidays, I’ve got a feeling this year’s Fourth of July celebrations are likely to extend all summer. And if there is one thing about the Fourth of July that is true every year, it’s that people blow their fingers off using fireworks.
To avoid a loss of digits, vision, hearing, or accidentally burning down a house (you’re not Elijah calling down fire from the heavens to end the false priests of Ba’al) — here are a few rules.
First, no booze. I know, I know it’s the Fourth of July, you want to celebrate with the Champagne of Beers, or a cold beverage(s) of your choice. This rule is unlikely to be followed, but impaired judgment plus explosives is never a good combination. Set aside a designated fireworks user, like a fireworks high priest: Only they get to touch the ark – and when I say ark, I mean commercial-grade explosives.
Second, the yeladim and fireworks do not mix. Kids handling fireworks is about as kosher as a Roman Catholic Brit milah. A good rule of thumb is that if they haven’t had a confirmation ceremony (AKA late teens) they don’t get explosives. Sparklers maybe, but explosives no.
Third, have a bucket of water and a hose nearby. If somehow a fire starts in your yard or near where the other fireworks are stored, it’s important to be able to put that out. Consider these like your Magen David, a shield against further catastrophe.
Fourth, stand them up and never light a firework you’re holding. I’m sure we’ve all seen a couple of fireworks get lit, and one goes off before the other and then falls and slams into the cache of fireworks nearby, and for a moment you fear you’ll all be smitten like Sodom and Gomorrah. Avoid being salty.
Fifth, don’t relight duds, and only light one at a time. (That’s technically Sixth.) If a firework didn’t go off the first time, that’s what was written in the book of life this year. Relighting a dud is a great way to tempt the odds and lose more than a finger. If it doesn’t light, soak it in water for 20 minutes before you dispose of it. You should light one at a time for a similar reason. ‘Cause one could blow up in your hand, and it could end up looking really similar to a yad.
The safest thing to do is always let the professionals handle it and go to a fireworks show. It’s less anxiety and stress; you won’t have to feel like you’re a character on season 2 of The Pitt.
Happy Fourth of July!