Rabbi, my child is a college student at Ohio State. In the past several months, they have become more and more anti-Zionist as the situation in Israel drags on. Our Jewish identity has always been important to our family, but this is driving a wedge between us. How do I support my kid while standing strong with what I believe?
My first reaction is that, as Jews, we should all be very concerned about what is going on in Gaza. It is impossible to live out our Jewish values while innocent people, especially children, are being put in harm’s way. It is a sad reality of war, but we are expected to acknowledge that reality with the compassion and heartbreak that cause us to remain human. There are, of course, a broad spectrum of ways to internalize the horrors that are happening, and one of the growingly popular ones is to hold Israel in contempt for participating in the conflict. This is a wildly oversimplified way to think about the situation. Still, as young people continue to get more and more of their information from social media, that is the reality we face.
One of the powerful ways I have experienced the situation in Israel is through my relationship with American politics. I have always been a proud American who believes in the ideals and values of this country. At any given moment, though, the actual political realities might be very different. When America does something I find problematic (or abhorrent, as is becoming more and more common), that doesn’t make me want to be an American any less. It makes me want to take even greater ownership of what America means to me and what role I play in creating a country worthy of my respect.
In the same way, Israel has had to defend itself in wildly challenging ways and has a mixed record of successfully handling those challenges. When Israel does things with which I disagree, that doesn’t cause me to declare myself anti-Zionist and divest. Rather, it is an opportunity for me to double down on my efforts to demand that Israel live up to the values and ideals that Jews have held sacred.
Having a relationship with Israel is like having a relationship with a person; it requires work, diligence, and a willingness to be open minded. It is easy to declare, “I just don’t care anymore.” But by declaring themself an anti-Zionist, your child is telling you they DO care, and deeply. They just might need your help to figure out how.
We Jews raise our children to look at the world and figure out how to make it better. With the horrors going on in Gaza, it is no wonder that your kid believes something is deeply wrong with this situation. That impulse is something to be proud of, rather than a source of tension or shame. The next step is to introduce the level of nuance this situation demands. Nuance is neither easy nor popular on the internet, on social media, or (sadly) on college campuses. But it is the work of a parent to help their child to navigate the complexities of the world. My guess is that when you share how deeply you care about Israel while also being willing to listen to what your child cares about with an open mind, the result will be a stronger, more substantial relationship between you and our national homeland.
Austin Zoot is the Rabbi Educator at Valley Temple in Wyoming, Ohio.
