Maybe it’s all the rom-coms (that I don’t watch), perhaps it’s all the engagement pictures flooding my timeline (congrats, btw, entire world), or maybe it’s hearing my grandma’s piercing voice at every family gathering, “Jon, excuse me. Jon, how are the women? When are you going to bring a girlfriend home? Can you pass the potato salad?” But, I am really starting to think seriously about finding a girlfriend. Especially, after I responded to my grandma, “What do you mean grandma? This is my girlfriend. Is something wrong with her?!” (Pointing to a plate of cheese and crackers).
IK I’m embarrassed for me, too.
Dating. It’s like going out for ice cream. Sometimes you’re craving a certain flavor, sometimes it makes you sick, other times it’s too much like, “Whoa look at the size of these scoops, how does anyone ever finish that?” (That last one wasn’t even a metaphor, it’s just something that is said every time my family gets ice cream).
I’ve dated non-Jews in the past, and it was great. I went hunting, I introduced someone to bagels and lox (changing their life forever), I was on time for things…
As a twenty-something, “going out for ice cream” has been creeping into my mind more and more often. I’m not stressed about it, though. The way I look at it is if I find the right person, great, and if not, I’ll be able to catch up on A LOT of TV shows. Win-win, I’d say.
Actually, the thing that is more frightening to me is something I came across the other day, a statistic that read, There’s an 84% chance that if you’re 21 & older, you’ve already met the person you’ll marry. Now, I saw this on Twitter, which in all fairness is the same place where you can find endorsements for Donald Trump, so keep that in mind. But naturally I started freaking the f*** out.
I started recounting all of the people I’ve met up to this point in my life. There was that girl from the grocery store…my prom dates…Robin Roberts from Good Morning America. Wow, am I going to marry Robin Roberts? Should I tell my parents? I mean, there’s an age difference but IDK. Could I handle the spotlight? I already have enough stress in my life between watching people’s Snapchat stories and finding what songs to listen to on the way to work, and that’s when it hit me:
I have to date Jewish. And given all the people I know, it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion.
And this has nothing to do with religion. I like to consider myself a pretty open and tolerant person. In fact, I’ve dated non-Jews in the past, and it was great. I went hunting, I introduced someone to bagels and lox (changing their life forever), I was on time for things, and I didn’t have to constantly Wiki what Larry David was up to. No, it’s not a religious thing. It’s a laziness thing.
Falling in love takes a lot of work, and who has time for that these days with Netflix and all those apps? These days we have to be careful as far as what we use our cognitive resources for. Meeting new people (no offense new people) sucks sometimes. You have to do things like introduce yourself, and say where you went to college, and pretend to laugh at bad jokes. No thanks. Blind dates are like the longest, worst icebreaker ever.
So, how does this all tie back to dating Jewish? Great question, the three people who are still reading. It’s quite simple, actually. It’s just easier, because it’s like you don’t have to break so much ice. You probably have a similar sense of humor and an understanding of the various Judaic holidays, or you at least know that Yom Kippur means, “I better eat a lot the night before.” Regardless of who end up on a date with, you most likely awkwardly danced with them during the bar/bat mitzvah circuit days, and you probably remember, yet never talk about it. Your parents definitely somehow know each other. Literally, I don’t know how, but they will know each other – which is great because it will save a lot of stress in the future. And you probably either went to summer camp with one another or have mutual friends who did, so yeah, they’ll know your level of color war competitiveness.
The Jewish dating scene can be both a blessing and a curse. But with increasingly busy lifestyles for college grads and beyond, you can’t deny the clear benefits: History, brisket, and a much less awkward intro to the family. Plus, it’s a real timesaver.
Jon Savitt is a writer, marketing professional, comedian, and all-around entrepreneur living in Minneapolis, MN. He has contributed articles to some of the largest online publications in MTV, Huffington Post, BuzzFeed, Thought Catalog and more, and is currently in charge of marketing efforts at Herzl Camp. When he’s not with his dog or eating ice cream, Jon is always looking to be part of the next “big thing.” Follow him @SavittJ