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Dear Miriam,
I don’t like turkey. I don’t particularly like stuffing or sweet potatoes or cranberry sauce either. I do like pie but only really buttery varieties that I won’t eat after eating turkey which, did I mention, I don’t like? How can I be a good Thanksgiving guest under these circumstances, and how can I model being a good guest for my toddler when I just don’t want to eat what I don’t want to eat?
Signed,
Thanksgiving Blues
Dear Blues,
Depending on whose house you’re going to on Thursday, you have some options. If it’s close family, presumably they know this about you. Hopefully, if they do, their menu accommodates you to some degree. If they don’t know, you’ve been hiding it well and could continue to do so or could, after all this time, stand up for yourself. If you’re going somewhere where you’re less known, you can either pretend to enjoy the meal or announce your Thanksgiving feelings right off the bat and skip the charade.
No matter what, humor is going to be your friend here. There’s no need to be entirely self-deprecating, but a little joking around about your food preferences could go a long way to ensure your hosts know it’s you and not them.
You should also plan to bring something to the meal. Maybe multiple somethings. Hopefully, your host will be gracious about letting you contribute, and your pickiness will look like generosity. If they’re less enthusiastic about potluck, you can say something like, “I have a lot of wacky food preferences and I want everyone to be able to enjoy without worrying about me. But I’m happy to share my tacos!” You could also take a small amount of side dishes and if anyone questions you, just say, “I’m saving room for pie.”
As for your child, model being polite. Model thankfulness, offering to help, kindness to relatives, and creating happy family memories. Those values are going to be important than what your toddler eats or sees you eat. But if you don’t want to skew your kid’s view of what might be tasty, have someone else at the table make up a plate for your child and be there next to them oohing and ahhing over each bite. But bring some snacks for your kid, too! No one expects a toddler to enjoy unfamiliar foods they see only once or twice a year at an unfamiliar house surrounded by a crowd. The best way to model being a good guest is to be prepared to take care of yourself and your kid so that everyone can have a good time without worrying about who’s eating what.
Be well,
Miriam
