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Dear Miriam,
What are your thoughts on Jewish kids dressing up for Halloween?
Signed,
Trick or Treat or Sit it Out?
Dear Trick,
It is no exaggeration to say that some of my happiest childhood memories took place on Halloween: carefully planned group costumes, elaborate candy-trading schemes, and that one house on my block that gave out freshly popped popcorn in little Ziploc bags. Halloween was great. As a Jewish kid in a town with a teeny tiny Jewish population, Halloween was a communal activity that I got to be a part of and that was an equal opportunity experience to celebrate, well, something.
The ‘something’ we’re celebrating on Halloween isn’t really anything, though, is it? The current incarnation of Halloween as a costume and candy fest has nothing to do with ancient Celtic festivals, or all Saints Day, or All Hallows Eve. Unlike Christmas, which some people celebrate as a secular festival but many more people celebrate as a religious holiday, the number of people today who see Halloween as a religious occasion is vanishingly small, and the number of people who see Halloween as a fun diversion is enormous.
I completely and totally believe that trick-or-treating is actually an important opportunity to build community. This was true in the rural town in which I grew up as well as the close-quarters urban neighborhood in which I’m raising my kids. Going out in costumes and giving out candy is good for goodwill.
I will even go so far as to say that the opportunity to be part of a community experience that involves giving and receiving and being friendly with your neighbors represents a variety of Jewish values. We give freely without expecting anything in return. We treat everyone with respect. We show our kids that it’s often great to talk to strangers. We show other people’s kids that they belong, and that they’re worthy of attention, and that we will ooh and ahh over them no matter how they’re dressed.
Here are some specific ideas for making Halloween a positive experience:
- Talk to your neighbors. Find out if they’re planning to be outside, what time, whether they’re dressing up, etc. If my point holds that this holiday should be about getting to know your neighbors, then talk to each other before, during and after trick or treating times. Even make a plan to clean up the street together in the morning.
- If you have your own kids, involve them in the experience in multiple ways. They shouldn’t only be getting candy; pace your night so that they can spend some time at home giving away candy, too. Afterwards, help them to think about what costumes they’ve outgrown and whether those could be shared with other kids for Purim or for next Halloween. If you have any candy leftover, consider bringing it to poll workers or people waiting in line to vote next week on Election Day.
- If you don’t have your own kids, be the house that kids want to come to. Though it’s unlikely that anyone’s giving out homemade popcorn anymore, we’ve encountered neighbors doing trivia in exchange for candy, setting up elaborate pulley systems to lower candy from a rooftop, and offering alcoholic beverages to the adult chaperones. But those bells and whistles aren’t really necessary either. Greet everyone with a smile. Tell them they look amazing. Say hi to the parents and offer them candy, too.
- Just… enjoy it for what it is. Part of what’s nice about Halloween is the chance to do something fun that’s really low stakes. Thanksgiving has a lot of family pressures around traveling and getting along. New Year’s has social pressures to make amazing plans. Jewish holidays have the weight of ritual and observance plus family and communal obligations. Halloween has none of that. You can just literally say hi to people and eat candy. Sounds like the perfect evening. So whatever you do, the best part is remembering that it doesn’t much matter either way!
Be well,
Miriam
