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Dear Miriam,
I frequent a store where most of the clientele are not American. On the occasions when another American is also there, they often shoot me knowing glances or even make comments poking fun at the other shoppers. This makes me extremely uncomfortable. I’m not there to socialize with anyone of any nationality, so I usually don’t say anything. I don’t want my silence to be taken as agreement, but I also don’t want to engage. How can I get out of these interactions?
Signed,
Just Going About My Business
Dear Going,
While I wonder about the specifics of the store, I find it frustrating at best and abhorrent at worst that Americans would go into a space where someone else is the majority and behave well, like Americans. I’m also, sadly, not at all surprised. You, by going to the business and simply not behaving this way, have a chance to model that another path is possible, both to the Americans and non-Americans.
Ignoring the knowing glances and xenophobic comments is a great strategy, and I encourage you to employ it as often as possible. If you’re worried that that’s too passive and might still be interpreted as agreement, I encourage you to go to the store wearing headphones. A great many unpleasantnesses can be avoided if you’re distracted by something else, even if you are intentionally creating that distraction for yourself.
Another option is going to the store at less crowded times, where you will have to deal with fewer people of any background. People may be better behaved with a smaller audience, and your whole trip may speed up to the point where this type of interaction just has less time to happen.
Finally, one additional strategy is to come up with a short script for yourself that you can say to cut off any prejudice at the onset. Something like, “I love this store,” or “please don’t say that,” or “I don’t agree,” or even a non-sequitur like, “Have a nice day.” Then put your earbuds in, finish your shopping, and hope your influence rubs off on your fellow shoppers.
Be well,
Miriam
