I am a 76-years-old, and never did I imagine that I would be scared one day because I am Jewish.
I grew up in Haifa, Israel. Throughout my childhood, I feared the Arab world. My extended family lived in a Kibbutz close to the Lebanese border, and I often heard of attacks there. When I visited the Kibbutz, I knew where the shelter was and of the night guard circling it. I lived through the Yom Kippur War, and my cousin who was killed during it. For years, I had nightmares about Arab men chasing me down the hills. But as an Israeli child, I felt protected by the IDF. I certainly did not experience fear like I do today, as the antisemitism in the U.S is rising.
My family lost members in the Holocaust. Many of my neighbors were survivors of concentration camps. When I was invited to a new friend’s house, I always checked the mother’s arm for the telltale numbers. And when I saw them, I felt sad.
A lot of our literature and history lessons were about the Holocaust. At home, my father, of blessed memory, expressed a lot of pain about the loss of his family. He was an intellectual and always talked about world events. One of the main topics was: “How the world did not stop the Shoah from happening.” He was bitter, and as a child, I got tired of hearing about it.
When I emigrated to the U.S. with my family as a 16-year-old, I decided, “I had heard enough of the Holocaust, I am done hearing about it.”
Many years later, after my father died, I started reading historical novels about WWII and the Jewish plight. I have not stopped. I read lots of fiction and memoirs on a variety of subjects. When I come home with another WWII book, my husband proclaims: “Another one?” I always think, ‘I have got to stop, it’s too depressing.’
Over the years, I have heard from friends about their experiences here with antisemitism. I never experienced it until President Trump came to power, and the Tree of Life Congregation in Pittsburgh was attacked. It felt close because I lived in Pittsburgh for four years in the late 1960s. I suffered from panic attacks for a week afterwards.
Today, I am very scared of the growing antisemitism here in America and worldwide. Some friends say, “Don’t read so much.” I want to know, and I feel a responsibility to my fellow Jews to care and raise awareness and maybe do something. I just don’t know what.
I wish I could talk to my grandfather, who was a true Zionist. As a child, I learned not to ask my father questions. He would start crying. My mother told me the facts. All around us was the message “don’t ask”.
I worry about the future of us Jews. Do we all need to live in Israel? I talk about my fears with my Jewish and Non-Jewish friends. It helps; I think it is important to raise awareness in the non-Jewish community.
I want to see a future where Jews can live without fear.
