As Israel launched strikes on Iran, my phone hasn’t stopped buzzing.
Between nonstop alerts from my i24 app and my own constant scrolling, it’s been a tense 24 hours. My kids can feel it, our whispered conversations, the worry in our voices.
We are careful not to watch the news around them, but they overhear adults mentioning rockets, hostages, and bomb shelters. They know the name Hamas, and they know they are “the bad guys,” but thankfully, they do not yet lose sleep over it. Explaining what is happening in Israel is incredibly hard. I want to protect their innocence, but I also want them to understand. And like so many parents right now, I’m still trying to figure out how to do both.
It’s one of the hardest conversations I’ve ever had to have as a parent. I want my kids to know that Israel is our homeland, but how do I explain what’s happening without terrifying them? How do I teach them strength without instilling fear? I’m still figuring that out. When my parents traveled to Israel a couple of weeks ago, both of my daughters were nervous. We were very mindful of what we said around them and kept the conversation positive. Thankfully, my parents returned home safely, but the questions from my girls haven’t stopped. Neither have mine.
In our house, we talk about being Jewish. We celebrate the holidays, we go to Mitzvahs, and eat challah. We need to remind our kids that they are part of something bigger. Lately, that pride has felt heavier. It comes with a sense of worry and angst, and a need to explain things I wish I didn’t have to.
There’s a war going on, and in the last 24 hours, it’s escalated to a whole new level.
I don’t tell my kids every detail, but I also don’t lie to them. It’s hard to minimize something as big and terrifying as a war, even when I know I have to. I say things like, there are people who want to hurt Israel, and Israel is protecting itself. Whether that is the right way to express it, I don’t know. I don’t always pretend the world is safe because it truly is not, not in America, and not in Israel. So instead of just giving them facts, I try to give them tools.
Let’s be honest, if I don’t have the conversations with them, someone else will, and it could be very different. I want them to feel informed, but also empowered. I want them to know how to speak up when something feels wrong. To ask questions and to challenge hate, even when it’s disguised as someone else’s opinion.
I want my kids to be brave because being Jewish right now takes a certain kind of bravery.
Part of me wants to shield them completely, but that’s not realistic. They live in this world, too. We had a non-Israel-related incident a few months back where Charli was on a phone call and told about a plane crash that scared her. It took a few months for her to sleep in her own room again. My girls are young; they don’t need to carry the weight of the world, but they should understand that standing with Israel means supporting its right to exist and defend itself, even when the decisions are complex.
I also find it very important to remind them that even in war, we need to show compassion. There are innocent people on both sides who are suffering. That being pro-Israel doesn’t mean we are anti the rest of the world, it just means we believe in our right to safety and security.
I have spent many hours late at night wondering if I said too much or not enough.
Did I instill fear in them? Have I confused them? Did I give them the truth that makes them aware of what’s going on, while also letting them know they are safe with me? When I see my daughters talking about the atrocities of Hamas, I know they are listening and learning.
The world feels overwhelming right now, and parenting through it isn’t easy. One thing I’ve learned is that kids don’t just need comfort; they need clarity. They need to see that we’re not afraid to talk about the hard things, and that we cannot hide from who we are. They need to believe that even when the world feels scary, Jews show up for each other, for our communities, and for Israel, just like their grandparents did a month ago when they traveled to Israel to volunteer.
Kids are ALWAYS watching us. They are learning how to be strong, how to be proud, how to care about others. I hope that is enough for now.
