Got a question? Fill out this form to submit your anonymous question to be answered in a future column.
Dear Miriam,
A locally-owned small business that I frequent recently put a political sign in their window representing a view with which I disagree. I am not comfortable going there anymore, and at the same time, over the years, I’ve gotten friendly with the owner and don’t seek to harm their business. What should I do?
Signed,
Sign of the Times
Dear Times,
If you are anything like the average American consumer, you probably patronize many different establishments in the course of a week, or even a day. You go to the grocery store, you get a haircut, you go to the gym, and then order a few things online here and there. On the weekend, maybe you go to a big box store to stock up on toilet paper and cleaning products, and then order takeout on your phone. How much of your food is picked by migrants who aren’t paid a living wage or who are living under threats by the current administration? How many CEOs of the big corporations you’re supporting donate money to causes that contradict your values? Do you know what candidates the gym owner supports? What is your carbon footprint caused by your deliveries and other habits? How much do you research each of these things before you make a purchase?
One good thing about locally owned small businesses is that you get to know the people involved. The downside is that when they do something with which you disagree, it feels more personal, more in your face, more local. But unless you are the most ethical consumer in America or you are living off the grid aside from this one establishment, chances are that one or two levels removed from most of your purchases, you are inadvertently supporting all kinds of things that don’t represent you.
I’m actually not saying this to discourage you. Rather, I’m hoping this perspective frees you from the agony of deciding what to do about this business in particular. Of course, boycotts are a real tactic that people employ, but your only grievance here is a sign, presumably equating to a belief, rather than a policy. Your dollars alone won’t make or break this business, and since you specifically say you don’t want to harm them, I don’t think you’re going to go around badmouthing them to your friends. And anyway, the sign is right there for everyone to see, so each passerby can make their own decision.
I think in this case it’s worthwhile for you to have one conversation with the owner, someone you know and have supported. Let them know that the sign is going to keep you away. Tell them this kindly and without judgment. You can say you’re not comfortable being seen somewhere with that sign, lest anyone interpret your presence as support. You can offer, if it feels right, one sentence about why you oppose what they support. You can say you’ve enjoyed getting to know them and wanted them to know why they wouldn’t be seeing you anymore.
Or you can keep going there, and allow yourself and the owner to exist in the complexity created by the intersection of consumerism and capitalism and values and politics. If you choose not to support this business anymore, consider taking a serious look at everything else you do continue to support to see if you want to make other changes. If you decide not to go there anymore, look for other small businesses to add to your rotation.
Be well,
Miriam
