How Do We Settle Our Thermostat Differences?

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Dear Miriam,

The longer that winter drags on, the more apparent it is that my partner and I have a temperature problem! I prefer a colder ambient temperature and to cozy up with sweaters, blankets, and tea. My partner prefers a warmer ambient temperature. At home, this usually means one of us is uncomfortable, or we go to separate rooms for a couple of hours before bed. In the car, it means we alternate who has their less preferred temperature. Neither scenario is great. How can we get through the next few weeks (months?) of cold with maximum cooperation and minimal discomfort?

Signed,

It’s called sweater weather for a reason

 

Dear Sweater,

It’s pretty standard for people to set their thermostats to get warmer in the morning to heat up the house as they’re getting ready for the day, and to get cooler at night after they’re in bed. I think you and your partner need to set your thermostat to have hours in the day where you’re each at your optimal temperature. Maybe mornings are sweater zone temps and evenings are more like “indoor beach party.” Or maybe you get your preference on Monday/Wednesday, your partner gets Tuesday/Thursday, and you trade off weekends. 

I’m not going to suggest a middle ground as a consistent compromise because then neither of you will ever get to exist at your truly preferred temperature. But maybe on Fridays, you set the thermostat to a temperature that’s kind of okay enough for both of you. Unless you want to spend the whole winter in separate rooms, you’re not both going to be at your happiest, temperature-wise, all the time, but maybe you can focus on other ways to achieve your greatest comfort.

Perhaps a really delicious tea or an amazing set of cozy slippers will let your partner enjoy being a little chilly. Maybe you can find it in you to enjoy the novelty of a tee-shirt in February. I wonder if a really targeted space heater blowing in your partner’s face would let you watch TV together while the house is on the cooler side. Add soup to your list of things that make winter cozy, and maybe it will be so delicious that it will warm things up without turning up the heat. And I’m not sure exactly how, but hot baths definitely factor in here somewhere. Also, cuddling is often the solution to many temperature-related issues. As for the car, whoever is driving gets to set the temperature. That person needs to be comfortable, and they get to choose. 

Let this be the worst of your problems, and let finding workable solutions be the best of what you can offer each other as a couple. You both deserve to be comfortable but, like anything else, things won’t always go your way all of the time, so a little humor, a little compromise and, yes, a little spending time in separate rooms should get you through the winter. Before you know it, temperatures will heat up, and I can only imagine what air conditioning-related conundrums the two of you will cook up. 

Be well,

Miriam